Quieting the noise

go do them

I always loved this quote. Such a call to action. You read it and you say to yourself - "Right! I will go do all that stuff!" And for a minute you're off.

Then real life kicks in. Or at least the barriers that you believe to exist in real life. You can call it the noise. It sounds something like this...

"I don't have the time right now." "I don't have enough money." "I'll go next year."  

And those words have as much power as you give them.

Your noise can can control your life. For me, for so long, it was my finances and they ran the show. My first consistent job was walking the next door neighbor's dalmatian, Zach. For $30 a month, I walked slobbery, untrained Zach every day. There were tons of days I did not want to do it, but that little job taught me responsibility, dedication and sparked a love for running that lasted for a over a decade. It also showed me how nice it was to have my own money consistently coming in.

Which basically took over all my decisions for the next twenty years of my life. "It's too much money". "I have to work." Blah blah blah. Money coming in was my priority. I had jobs all through high school, college and started a "real" job the week after college graduation. There was no question. My head said, "I must work a job."

Having left lululemon, this is the first time in my life that I don't have a full time job. Not like lululemon ever really felt like a "job" but it was a consistent work schedule. So it's been weird. I have still been teaching yoga, which is fulfilling and wonderful, but it's not exactly the same as having a 401k. It's taken some adjustment. I have had to let go of a lot of noise. I had to get uncomfortable. Because that's where the good shit hangs out. That's where the growth is. 

Oh, growth. Growth doesn't always feel so great. It pretty much feels like you're sucking at life. And you breathe and you open yourself up and it gets better. Like yoga. Be kind to yourself.

And now that my head is quieter, this is the first time in my life I feel like I can do anything. All those things I always wanted to do are happening. Mike and I just booked a month long trip to Bali and Australia. That shit was on my goals for 4 years! I'm blogging. We started a business. I may not have the cash coming in like I'm used to but I finally have the time to do things that are meaningful to me, like spend time with my family, without rushing back for work. And I have to keep telling myself that this is where I am supposed to be right now.

Sure, "I don't have enough money" still comes up in my head all the time, and when it comes up, I listen closer to discern if it's reality or just some noise. That distinction is critical.  And if it's noise, just my head trying to keep me small, then I take a breath and keep on keeping on, allowing myself to get out of my own way. And I keep going, because I know I'm on a path that feels right, even if I'm not sure where it's headed.