A few weeks ago, an old friend asked me to write about growing out of friendships. How to move on when relationships aren't serving you anymore. It's an interesting question, right? 

Life has a natural rhythm. Part of that cycle is that as we evolve - if we allow it - we naturally let go of certain things. And, if we allow it, the things that maybe were so important to us five years ago, will eventually have less of an effect. This is what allows us to find resilience, to pick up the pieces after a broken relationship, to "move on". Often though, it can feel hard to do that. Our conscious mind often wants us to hold on to the romance of what once was.

I keep using the word allow. I've mentioned aparigraha before. It's the yogic principle of not grasping. It's like the sand in the hand analogy - when you hold it tight with clenched fist, it all pours out. An open palm and it stays. Same with life, same with friends. It will all flow in and out. Constantly. You have to allow this flow to exist. When you clench, hold on, tighten up - you don't allow for an exchange of energy or a growth. Allowing can looking many different ways. Maybe you allow for a conversation, maybe you allow for space, maybe you allow for forgiveness.

I also think it's less about the conscious decision of "I'm going to move on past this friendship" and more about the question "Am I being the best and most authentic version of me?" We all change and grow. Asking yourself - am I happy, am I shining, am I giving and being love in this friendship now. Of course it's not perfect all the time, but there should be mutual respect and support. 

And if there's not, maybe it's time to open your palm and allow things to flow a little more easily. That's part of the cycle, trusting that the letting go will open the door for something new and amazing to move in. Or maybe that was exactly what the friendship needed to move to the next level. This isn't just about friends, it's about life. Open up for it.

Allow, trust, breathe - and see what can happen.

photo by matt roy www.mattroyphotography.com

photo by matt roy www.mattroyphotography.com