Bleeding soul

It's been a lot easier for me to write about food lately than it is to share my share my soul. I always think about this Hemingway quote...

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed
— Ernest Hemingway

And I sit down with so many thoughts - millions of thoughts - and then BOOM. The inner voice shows up. The blocker between my bleeding soul and my keyboard. "Don't write about that!" it says. "That's too controversial, too harsh, too much."

And I start to question myself.  Fuck. Bad move. Once you give that voice any attention, it snowballs out of control. For me it says "What is my purpose"... "Am I on the right path"...

"What am I even doing???"

AHHH.

You're overwhelmed before you've even begun. Or at least I am.

But - thankfully - there is a very subtle pause between my thoughts and the reality. There is space in there for conscious awareness. When I'm present, I can tap into that pause and differentiate myself from the voice. I can also grow that pause through yoga, meditation, mindfulness. The more connected I am to myself - my true self - the less I hear the inner voice. The more time I spend attuning myself to my body, listening to subtle body cues and inner sensations, the more self awareness I have and the less attention I give the voice.

When I trust myself, I can move from my true self - not my self-doubting inner voice - and take the leap to share myself freely.

leap

The inner voice only has as much power as you give it. We all experience doubt, especially when we are being vulnerable. We are human. Yes, it's uncomfortable. But to get truly connected to each other, vulnerability is imperative. We have to move past the feelings of self-doubt so that we can share our struggles, our own inner voices, our baggage - baring our own bleeding souls so that we can heal and grow together. Because what's the alternative? Being locked up, hard and frustrated? 

Doesn't sound so appealing to me.

/