Yesterday was my birthday.
32 years on this planet. And it quite possibly could have been my best birthday yet - all from one simple shift. I allowed myself to feel... and to receive.
It may sound small but this is a big change for me. I prefer to operate in the "I can do it myself" category. It's always been tough for me to ask for help - I feel like I'm putting people out or somehow hindering them. I was never able to see birthdays as a opportunity to celebrate someone. The world just seemed to be an easier place when I would stuff down any emotions I had and operate superficially. Because, duh... when I don't feel, I don't get hurt.
This year though, I have worked on shifting my narrow (and inaccurate) masculine mindset of doing and numbing and really have allowed myself to open up to the receiving and the feeling - the feminine. Normally I would feel bad that people wanted to give me gifts - in my head this was putting them out of money or time - or I would say no to a celebration.
Not this year! Not 2014! This shit was my YEAR. This is the year I allowed myself to receive.
This is the year that I broke out of the cocoon of numbing and allowed myself to feel. I quieted the weird and underlying guilty noise in my head and gave myself permission to feel good that people wanted to celebrate my birthday. Instead of feeling guilty, I felt grateful. I felt humbled. I felt really really good. And I received and kept receiving - hearing the "happy birthdays" from a place of gratitude instead of feeling like I was putting people out. Smiling as my yoga classes sang happy birthday to me instead of feeling guilty or uncomfortable about it. Soaking up all the incredible energy and tucking it away in a little good vibes vault so I can pull from it all year long.
And I'm still buzzing from the epic birthday singalong class on Tuesday, from my awesome day yesterday, from all the love and well-wishes and the birthday celebrations that are still to come... I'm still holding it all in my heart and really feeling it - because feeling is living.
And living is all we've got.